College

Well, I normally would have my poem for today posted by now. But seeing as how my laptop chose the worst possible week to break down on me, I haven't had the time or means to post my poem.

But thank goodness, mom has a computer that will facilitate my needs for now ;-)

Three days ago I finished school. Now that fact would normally illicit much happiness and relief from me, but the time comes with the tide of a lot of stress and other such troublesome things, so it wasn't as wonderful as I had hoped it would be. But, I am both amazingly exited and terrified to tell you, that I may be starting college in August. I previously wasn't going to start until January, but recent developments have taken that road elsewhere.

Proving that I pass the CHSPE, I will start college in August. I am fully confidant that I will pass said test, which means I have only three months of normality left........and I finally starts college in three months.

THREE MONTHS, what am I going to do!?

Now, don't get me wrong, I am so exited I could shoot into the sky and explode. But, I'm also kind of freaking out. I've been home-schooled my whole life, not that I think that's a bad thing, I loved it, but this means I'm on my own! Having teachers and professors, a giant library and even bigger campus, a huge track field and an Arts Building. I could go on and on, but I won't, save you from eternal boredom.

So, that's it...........wow, aren't I such an exiting person?

And I leave you with that.

Days like Today

Today I had the feeling I have been experiencing more often lately again.

I was out in Chico with my mom and Gramma, going on errands and perusing the Health Food Store. Listening to them talk about this and that, the ingredient in this brand over that brand, the cost of this type over that type. Smiling to myself, eager for the day I will stand by my mom and decide whether the cheaper price for the less healthy peanut butter is better than the higher price for the healthier stuff. Of course, I already do this, I am my mothers 'right hand gal' as she likes to call me. And I cherish this position. It's my personal job and responsibility, we talk about what to make for dinner, whether we should put this seasoning in or maybe this other one. We plan out shopping, if we need more carrots or more celery instead. And I love doing this with her, beside the special 'time' we get together, it makes me feel like I'm growing up even more. Where my mom trusts me and looks to me to help her decide something when it comes to our food, or what brand to get. You know, things like that.

I guess the way I would describe the feeling was a kind of desire, or longing. I longed to be the grown adult walking down the rows of food items with my mom and my own cart, looking at the ingredients on a bottle of syrup then setting it back in disgust when I see how much sweetener is in it. (yes mother, I blame you for making me notice that all the time!! I love you :)

I had the great desire to have my own paycheck. So I could be shopping for myself, choosing between two things that I need, consulting mom on which one I should get. Maybe I feel this way because I think it will make me even closer to mom, she's been teaching me so much. How to keep myself and others healthy, how to cook and season just right. I love learning all these things from her, she's teaching me how to be a mother. I think that is the perfect way to describe it, my mom is teaching me how to be a mom, and I love her for it.

I look to my mom as a figure that I wish to be someday, with my own family, my own husband and kids to take care of. Someone I can call on a bad day and talk to so she can make me feel better, or call when I'm just not quite sure about something. I want to be able to pass on this small promise of purity ring to my eldest daughter someday, and be able to make her understand what it means. And how it used to be her grandmothers before she gave it to me. I can't wait till the day where I can be home with all my kids and my mom is over, spoiling them like all grandmothers do :) Me standing in the kitchen remembering how I used to be the kid sitting there smiling at my Gramma.

Days like today make me realize what a great mom (and Gramma :) I have. I am blessed with a mother who cares about who I will be someday, who cares enough to teach me the things a good Christian mother should know. And I know, when I am married and have my own kids (if that is His will) I will always be able to count on my mom to be there. God really blessed me with someone like my mom, and I thank Him for her every day. I love you mom :)

Driving

Well, today is exiting, thrilling, amazing, humbling and scary all at the same time. Today I go to the DMV to get my permit so I can begin the driving process, finally, after years of waiting. I finally get the one thing almost all teenagers long for in their teen years. A license, well, what is so special about a small piece of plastic that is going to spend almost 99% of it's time in your wallet or purse? It's a sense of freedom, it's almost like the last step to adulthood, and you are finally deemed responsible enough to drive out on the open road. You can go places on your own you never would have been able to before, do errands for your mom, drive to school on your own. But with these few cool things you can do, you are also taking on a great responsibility, you are putting yourself and others at risk if you do not take this privilege seriously. I'm not sure whether I am more exited and ready for this new bit of road in life that has been opened to me, or more scared about what I may face on it. I have always been so ready to grow up, eager to go ahead to college, but annoyed I'm still stuck in the last years of High School, I have always wanted to be independent, to go out and drive around where I wanted to, or to go somewhere on my own. But now that I am almost 'grown up' I'm not sure if I'm ready, do I want to lose this last bit of the kid in me? Then I begin to go through the mental list of how being 'almost an adult' will help my mom and dad. When I need to go to work, I can drive, and mom won't have to take me every time. When mom needs a couple things from the grocery store, I can get them for her, she won't need to. Or when I need to go check in at all the places I applied for a job, she doesn't need to take the time to take me, I can do it myself. I am looking forward to all these things, I am happy I will be able to help my mom out in more ways than I already do. But the cons of growing up are also dangerous, I could cause an accident. Or hit someone crossing the road, no matter whose fault it would be. I could get hit by a car as well. I came to the conclusion that growing up and taking on new responsibilities is a good thing, I'm learning to be mature in new things. And that almost all things I will begin to do in the next two years will all have cons, or some kind of danger. There is a danger in everything we do, to some degree. And maturing and growing up is all a part of life. I am ready to do this, and I can always count on having a solid rock at my side, always there watching over me, keeping me safe if that is His will. Or involving me in something that may get me hurt or someone else. To teach me a lesson, or to test my faith in Him, or even to save someone else through me. I don't know what life is going to bring with my being able to drive, I don't know what is in store for me, or what may come of all this. But I am ready, and no matter what happens, good or bad. I will always trust in my Savior.