Dear Sun,

You hit my face early, this morning.
Leaking through the cracks in my curtains to grace my pillow and face with soft warmth, your rays hitting my closed eyes, too bad it was a tad early for my liking, seeing as my sleeping habits do not grant me a full nights sleep. I love you, dear sun, but please, do not wake me when I still have thirty minutes of rest left.

                                                                                                                Sincerely,
                                                                                                                       Dani

Masks of Paper and Ink

 Hidden.......that is the status of many of my writings. Hidden......hidden away in a notebook next my bed, the ones that hold pieces of my heart, they hold pieces of me, those who write can understand this, I believe.

Sometimes what we write, it just wasn't meant to be seen by others, we pour our hearts out in a poem two pages long, beautifully written, but unable to be enjoyed by others, because for them to be read feels like a violation, as though someone caught you at your weakest moment when you fell flat on your face.

Pieces of our hearts get put into it, pieces of us, our dreams and our fears, the darkest corners of our hearts, a light shined upon them from our point of view, onto a piece of paper. 

The time we felt as though we were nothing at all, that we could turn to dust and be blown away by the wind, and no one would notice or care, the moment we felt such anger or hate, it tainted our thoughts before we felt ashamed. All these, woven onto a piece of paper in scribbles lines, written through tears or whispered through a smile.

The pain or the joy in your heart, fallen onto a sheet of white, held in a trembling hand. The emotion of the moment, fueling the words, more and more begins to pour onto the page, until finally............finally, it is emptied from your heart, like a poison cleansed from your veins.

Who could dare read these words? We keep them hidden for fear of what others may think, but why?

We are not alone in our battles, we are not the only ones who feel fear, regret, pain, sorrow, shame, anger........why can't others see what we feel, why can't others understand our fear, try to understand our sorrow, empathize with our pain? Why must we keep ourselves hidden? Hidden behind our masks of paper and ink...........

Because, we are in our writing, we pour ourselves into it, what you read from my hand, that.........that is me.

So now I look to my left, at the worn, doodled over notebook resting by my bed, the holder of my heart, the recipient of my fears and dreams. Why should this inanimate thing, this emotionless object, be the one to see my heart?

If you read the contents of my heart, what will you think? Will you feel sad, will you feel sympathy, will you experience understanding? If you read the contents of my heart, feel not less of me...... 

Words

Aren't words just wonderful?

They flow and they lilt, they can be created and crafted, tales can be woven and spun with them.

They can sing and they can harmonize, letters and speeches are written with them.

Some words just sound wonderful on your tongue, some you feel you have to belt out in a yell, others you want  to whisper in secret, some you want to shout to the world, others you want to say with a smile on your face.

Eloquence, cadence, praise, mediocre, sir, apothecary, renowned, subtlety, sensibility, joyful, beautiful, thrumming, lilting, harmonizing, beautifying, lovely, glorious, omniscient, sparkling, harp, raining, thundering, love. 

So many wonderful words! Words that mean so many things and used in so many ways.

And eloquent sir gave his praise in a glorious cadence, harmonizing with the the beautiful thrumming of a harp.

See! It can be so fun just stringing together in a sentence all your favorite words :-)

OK, I'm finished, just had to express all of that before I began my post :-)

Things have been a little crazy for me personally lately. I have been doing a plethora of writing lately,  (plethora! nice one eh eh! ;-) I have been writing three fanfiction [yes I know, I don't need to hear it ;] A bunch of poems and I have re-taken up my novel, having written the ending and annoying my best friend with it, I am working on the rest :-)

School has been giving me minimal issues, which I am eternally grateful for, I'm flying through everything while still retaining most of the information! It's a miracle! 

I am being annoyed at the crotchety weather lately, it's January, we're supposed to swamped by now, but nooooo, there has only been three days of rain for the whole month!!
Bad weather! Get your act together! ;-P

Have I mentioned, I love driving!! I don't love our car, but I love driving :-)

As I have taken up a saying after my dad, "I am the only good driver on the planet" hehe.

One of these days I'm going to take the advice of a certain someone, and drive up to the city and have a girls day with my friends, only I will be substituting ice-cream for a hot mocha :-)

You may ask, 'where does she live, saying 'up to the city'" Weeellll, I technically live in a city, but it's so tiny and I never see any one person only once....sooooo, I call the city above us 'the city', because their definitely big enough to be called a city. *grin*

I am trying to decide of I wish to spring into the horrors of job searching......... OK, I will.

So, I have been signing in at our local grocery store for about three weeks straight now, everyday, neither wind or rain, nor sleet or hail will keep me from it!

I have been the third most consistent 'signer-iner' [I made up another word! *adds to the list*]

So I am holding out hope for a job there, which I will be [quietly] ecstatic to get [if I do, of course]

And I also have news, I may not be able to call our 'city' [pssh] 'not a city' for very much longer, for we are getting a Target, a Fresh Food Market, a STARBUCKS! [now my life is complete, a Starbucks in town] a Petco, and Marshal's will be finished in a few months. YAY!! *happy grin*

Oh oh oh!! Aaaaaannnd, there is only FOUR more months of school left!!!!!!

As you can see by my excessive use of exclamation points, I am VERY happy about it. 

Sooooo, if I am allowed, and Lord willing, I graduate after this school year, I WILL BE DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL!!!!! For those of you who read this and are either in college, or graduated high school without going to college, you can understand my exuberance.

Well, I believe that is all, life has been rather slow these past few months. I wish you all a goodnight [or day]

ma-salama


*I got an image with writing and a mocha :-D

Songs to Lift the Heart

When I'm stuck in this nothingness by myself,
I'm sitting here in silence, there's no way I can make it without your help, 
I won't even try. 
I know you have your reasons for everything,  
so I will keep believing, whatever I might be feeling, God You are my hope, and you'll be my strength.

No matter what, I 'm gonna love You 
No matter what, I'm gonna need You, 
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, if not, I'll trust You, no matter what, no matter what.




No matter our pain, no matter our suffering, no matter our loneliness, trust in Him always.


Everywhere I go, everyone is talking
I can feel them staring, they hope I'm just pretending
and giving up my power, caving into pressure
I'm not living for them, I live for something better

I'm not good enough, I'm not what they want
But let me tell you what, I know who I am
So just throw me out for not fitting in
I will stand my ground and be an outcast


Don't ever change who you are to conform to this world, you are the child of God. No matter what people say, how people act, don't change for the world, you have been changed by God, and that is all that matters.





I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own 
But there has never been a step
Where you've walked out all alone
Troubled soul don't lose your heart
'cause the joy and peace He brings, 
and the beauty that's in store,
outweighs the hurt of life's sting
There will be a day, with no more tears,
no more pain, and no more fears. There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face


Although it hurts now, although it's so hard right now, never lose Faith. Even when life feels like it's winning the battle, never lose that hope, that faith and hope in the coming of our Lord, we will be rid of this world to be with Christ in glory forever.


Weak and weary sinner longing for relief
You've been watching, as disaster steals another piece
of all you held so close, what you love the most,
but you can never keep, and hope seems like a promise,
just out of reach.  You'd die to feel alive again,
you long to be set free

Then love comes down, when your heart is lost,
when you've seen your whole world shattered,
and your dreams just fall apart.
So lift up your voice, let Him hear your cry,
when you've got nothing left to hold onto,
that's when love comes down

Life can be so painful at times, you feel so alone, but never give in to those feelings. He is always there by you, he is always by your side holding you up. He will never give you more than you can handle, He knows the length of your strength, and He will always be there to guide you, even when you feel alone, you are not.

Songs: Kerri Roberts-No Matter What, Outcast
Jeremy Camp-There Will Be a Day
Kerri Roberts-Love Comes Down

A Side Thought

My family and I watched Tangled again last night. I for the third time [yes, I've seen it that many times already]
I thought about how amazing and beautiful it would be if I could rally an entire town to light a lantern and let them float into the sky in the middle of the night. I contemplated finding a local place that sells good lanterns and creating fliers to pass around to see if I really could get our town to do it.
What a photo opportunity that would be.

Renewing old bonds

As we walked and talked, what where you thinking?

Close family friends unseen for many years, caused by a great distance between us, where finally reunited with us for a day. Smiles, hugs, joyful hellos all around. A mothers best friend for so many years finally seen again can cause one of the most happy smiles her daughter has ever seen come from her mother. it makes her feel happy and joyful for the opportunity. 




Contact via the internet can acquaint one with someone only so far, seeing them in person is a something entirely different. But an immediate hug can shatter your slightly nervous waiting-on-the-outskirts entirely :)
ten minutes of hugs and greetings and finally everyone gets inside, but that is simply a different environment for the talking and laughing to continue in.


After awhile tired and weary people drift off to bed, sleep is welcome. The next day more catching up and laughing, a morning walk with a new friend through the neighborhood. [my first without male company]
Finding much common ground and talking of our Salvation and the ways the Lord has worked in our lives, the morning went by in a flash of enjoyment and pleasure.
Thoughts drifted through my head, what does she think of me? Do I seem strange and unusual? Does she find me pleasurable company?


Not quite wanting to, we drift back home, crowded house full of chattering people.
The noise is that of happiness and biblical talking points, varying levels of voice pitch float through the house. Two of us find some quiet escape in ear budded music and email catching up :)


After the day has ended and everyone has quieted down a friend and I settle down for the journal/diary entry of the day. Contentedly listening to the strumming of the [very talented] guitar player. A smile raises to my lips, relishing and storing away the moment, having not experienced anything like it before.


It amazes me how after so many years the bond between two families can be renewed and strengthened as though not a single minute had passed. Parents joking and laughing about things in times past that remain wonderful memories and times of fellowship. I praise God for the opportunity I had to meet them all again [and a new one :] I was blessed with a day of memories, and I pray that we will all meet again in the future.


The bond of a friend and sister in Christ will last forever, unbreakable.

On New Horizons

Well, for years I wondered what it would be like to drive. Would it be scary? Nerve racking? Tense and nervous?

Well I found it was none if those things, if even the exact opposite!

My first drivers lesson was Tuesday, and my driving instructor the same man who did it for my older brother.

He rolled up in an old '98 Jaguar, shiny wine red, and a real treat to drive around for two hours [knowing my love for old cars]

Backing out of the driveway, a breeze, getting out onto the road, piece of cake, keeping up with traffic, easy peasy.

Firstly we drove through town out to a small almost nonexistent town called Bangor, about twenty to twenty-five minutes out of town. Then we stopped for a firetruck to pass, then turned back toward Oroville, from there we drove out to another very small town called Palermo. We had now been out about an hour, the sun was beating down through the windows we had open [seeing as how his air conditioner had broken down ten minutes before he got to our home] and I was cruising along at a good speed. After this we went up to the outskirts of town around the Thermolito after-bay, I was thoroughly enjoying myself. 

A difficult aspect of driving that old Jag was the gas pedal spring was very tough, and I had to push really hard to get it to 'go'.

After two hours of driving around and doing as he said 'very good' we finally got back home. He left telling me to set up my next lesson, and when I got inside I was having difficulty containing my exuberance.

Suppressing a squeal I told mom I had done great, it was so easy!!

For almost five months I had been preparing myself for being able to drive, I never have been one to be scared of much, so I hadn't really expected to be scared when I did my lesson.

For almost five months I had been internally preparing myself, and I think I was ready for it since the day I became saved. There was much to fear when your driving, a lot that I had to realize was dangerous. But I wasn't afraid, everything is preordained, I was in my Creators hands, come what may I was prepared for it.

And I will continue being prepared for anything that may come my way, but right now I have shopping to do!!

And I am driving home :)